I had great difficulty writing this post.
In fact I was planning it for months, draft, content and all, but somehow I couldn't write it. Mostly I wouldn't feel like it so I kept postponing it. Or I'd half-heartedly drag myself to my blog page, open up the new post page and then stare at the blank screen with a mind equally blank.
''I just don't feel like writing anymore, I've grown over it'', I would say to myself. Lame excuse. The 'thing' was burning in me, begging to be let out. I just knew it that unless I wrote about this one, I'd never be able to write about anything else at all. Or feel like me again, for that matter.
But the timing wasn't right. The canvas wasn't complete, I was still in the middle of it and too busy living it to be able to write about it. It just didn't feel right writing about an experience while I was still fighting my inner demons,gasping for breath, praying for strength and guidance and direction.
This day has come now.
After 9+ years of owning my own private school, LEXIS, I've decided -as of this September- to close down the business and leave it all behind me.
I've spent one hell of a 9 years' time growing my business at an almost unbelievable rate, growing as a person myself along the way.
What an adventure it has been, guys!
It’s been amazing, it’s been fun, and I’ve had such a blast doing it.
But it’s time I moved on, and I hope you’re all happy for me to move on .
To my students, to all my amazing students, to the ones I personally taught and became friends with and to all those who had lessons with us, who've been inspired to learn a new foreign language or brush up a forgotten one and get a certificate, improve their job prospects or go after a better opportunity through LEXIS, thank you.
Thank you so much. I cannot thank you all enough. If it wasn’t for you, I would never have continued to pursue growing the business, trying to make LEXIS the best for you, or, as my accountant put it the other day -getting almost all the adult student population of the town to come and sample a taste of our services.
I cannot tell you just how grateful I am to have been able to get to know you all, to be your teacher and occasionally friend, and to consider you as my students. I am proud of your accievements and successes and I am absolutely touched by how generous you’ve all been with your praise of the school and with trusting us with your education. Thank you. A million times, thank you.
To my employees and my sponsors, to those I've done business with and to those new teachers I've personally 'discovered' or to ones that came with working experience, to all those I have fallen in love with their potential, thank you for proving me right in every sense of the word when it came to trusting my students with you. Thank you for trusting me to be your employer and occasionally mentor and thank you for putting up with me. I have seen more happiness, more luck, and more prosperity thanks to your hard work, dedication and talents and I would be a fool to feel ungrateful for it all — thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you again.
Thank you to all of you for everything
Thank you again.
Thank you to all of you for everything
Now life goes on.
My life as a mother, blogger, friend and of course, teacher
(can't get this one off me, it's who I am, part of my identity).
I embrace all of the things that I’ve grown to love and create, and I keep it all with me for ever, part of what I have become.
And I can truly and honestly state that
I am the happiest and the most content I have been in years!
Read on to find out why.
Why I am the happiest and the most content I have been in years
Closing down my business was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Not as in 'I-Sold-The-Business-And-I- Can-Now-Retire-With- A-Handsome-Amount-That-Will-See-That-I-Am-Provided for-For-The-Rest-Of-My-Life kind of way.
Not as in 'I've seen the light at last, got sick and tired of working 10-12 hours a day so I've finally found my life purpose and I'mnow free as the wind and off to follow my bliss.
Not even as in 'I had to close down the business because it was no longer profitable, but once I did close it down, after much soul searching and mental suffering I realized that life is not about material success or money and I'm much wiser and happier for the realization.'
Nothing of the above happened.
Selling a business during this economic crisis in this country is either impossible or means practically giving up your life's efforts and dreams for a pittance, which, in my books at least, is worse than giving the business away, so that one was out of the question. Better keep my business systems, manuals ,methods and all- to myself for a possible future use in a distant future when better financial prospects come up in this country than feeling stupid for selling it at an outrageously low prize.
Tired of working? No, I was never tired of that , in spite of the crazy, long hours, the inevitable stress of owning a business or what those long hours and stress meant for my family.
No, I really loved every minute of it. Because I've dreamed it and created it from scratch without any help or previous experience in the field or in business in general, which meant that it was, from beginning to end, a labor of love.
Not to mention how dreadfully I miss working hard for something I loved and how any kind of work I do now, be it professional or otherwise, feels like a breeze and unworthy of my attention in comparison and so endlessly pisses me off for not being challenging enough.
And as for seeing the light after closing down my school, realizing that material things mean nothing compared to other important stuff in our lives like,health, love friends etc? Oh come on guys, this is pure nonsence coming from fake new age gurus with a fat and not at all fake bank account that actually proves how fake their claims actually are.
Because love and light and the like are all nice and wonderful to think and talk about, but let's face it, life's hard currency is money and without it neither love nor light can prove adequate alternatives to feeding you or those that depend on you. I believe in 'all things in moderation' and going destitute just to prove how spiritually evolved one is has never been my kind of thing. Hard work should be rewarded with material success and this is as enlightened a belief as one can ever be.
So what is it then?
Why am I the happiest I have been in years?
It has nothing to do with winning the lottery ticket. In case you were wondering.
It's not about falling in love either, though falling in love can certainly feel like winning the lottery ticket!
All over the world people face many heartbreaking, difficult circumstances in life, much worse than closing down one's business, I guess- that evoke every emotion except happiness.
A loved one dies, a needed job is lost due to cutbacks, a child is using drugs; these are all things that will cause feelings of grief. In times like this, grief is exactly what needs to be felt and expressed because that is the appropriate response to the situation. In some cases it escalates to severe symptoms controlled only with prescription medication, alcoholism, or street drugs to mask the pain inside. On a daily basis we all face less stressful circumstances but they still evoke feelings of unhappiness within us.So how do one deals with all this? After all, we don't get to choose our emotions...
Or do we???
Is your happiness within your control? Is making the correct choices in life—choosing a spouse, a career, a lifestyle—the best way to be happy in life? Are outer circumstances responsible for how happy you are? Or is your level of happiness pretty much hardwired, a product of your genes and your childhood experience?
If you have given up hope of ever being happy, cheer up.
Never lose hope.
Your soul, being a reflection of the ever joyous Spirit, is, in essence, happiness itself.
Yes, happiness depends to some extent upon external conditions, but chiefly upon mental attitudes.Consider this metaphor. You see a beautiful dress, worn by a gorgeous model. You go 'wow, what a dress'. Yes, the dress is indeed gorgeous, but if you a really unattractive person with a flabby, unattractive body wore the same garment, you might not have liked as much.
On the other hand, even a cheap tee can look great on a fit, gorgeous body. Same with your attitude and external circumstances. Clothes stand for material success, body for mental attitude. External circumstances can make life glamorous, but they wont give you happiness,just as a gorgeous outfit wont do much to change the shape of one's body.
Real happiness can stand the challenge of all outer experiences.
Essentially, conditions are neither good nor bad; they are always neutral, seeming to be either depressing or encouraging because of the sad or bright attitude of the mind of the person concerned with them.
The more you depend upon conditions outside yourself for happiness, the less happiness you will experience.
TO HAVE A GORGEOUS BODY THAT LOOKS AWESOME IN ALL KINDS OF OUTFITS, GLAMOROUS OR OTHERWISE, YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE. IT.
HARD AND CONSISTENTLY.
TO BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR LIFE, YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE YOUR MIND.
HARD AND CONSISTENTLY.
The mind, being the master concerning feeling and perception of all ourliving cells, can keep our body alert or depressed. The mind is the king, and all its cellular subjects behave exactly according to the mood of their royal master.
Just as we concern ourselves with the nutritive value of our daily food menus, so should we consider the nutritive potency of the psychological menu that we daily serve our mind.
This is my secret to happiness, which is actually no secret at all:
I cultivate an attitude if happiness consistently and on a daily basis.
Just as I exercise my mind daily, I daily pick up my mood, consistently choosing to feel happy.
Mental workout, guys. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yes, it can be done.
No, its not easy. Knowing one thing is good for you and doing it on a daily basis is another.
That's where most of us fail. We're not good at persevering, not good at sticking with it.
We get lazy or lose hope. We just quit.
That's why closing down my business was the best thing that ever happened to me .
Because it essentially meant giving up on my dream, a great source of happiness and financial freedom for me.
It meant plunging me headlong into the depths of despair for a while ( just like Eliza Doolittle in the movie musical ''My Fair Lady'', I felt like exclaiming 'What's to become of me?' ).
And that meant I had essentially two choices:
-I either stayed there and sunk even deeper
-I would choose to be happy, no matter what.
This is what I did. This is what my plan looked like:
After I went through the initial grieving process, I decided that I'd do two things.
-Have the body of my dreams
-Have the mindset of a happiness pro .
Both entailed hard work. Both required consistent work on a daily basis.
Having a fit body proved to be easier, because my body was a more obedient servant than my rebellious mind could ever be,.
Consistency was the key.
To keep at it, I just had to keep at it! Day in, day out.
And eventually I started seeing results in both fronts:
A fit, well-toned body.
And a mindset that keeps me in a constant state of joy, no matter what goes on in my life.
Which, in turn, has led to a couple of great blessing in my life that I am still in the process of creating (and not ready to share yet!)
You can do it too.
You don't need me to give you the specifics on how to go about dieting and exercising. I bet you know that already.
Likewise, you dont need me to tell you how to elevate your mood , I bet you know that too.
(but I'll give you a few hints ; prayer, uplifting muic, meditation, gratitude journals, affirmations and of course exercising)
Just do it consistently and on a daily basis. Set up a specific time every day, allocated only for the purpose of uplifting your spirit, of putting you in the frequency of joy.
It is as simple as that: